After spending the evening at St. Johns, the preschool Danny is enrolled in, I have done so much thinking about him and this situation. At 2:30am, I was still churning when it hit me that my approach really needs to change course. The long and short of it is that I love this child very much already. In loving him, I really need to love his mother even more. I have already said this and thought this…intellectually. I’m a fixer. It’s easy for me to swoop in and fix this situation with Danny. He could stay with me forever and we’d be just fine 🙂 But because that’s not reality and not needed, I have to empower mom to rise up to a higher place. In order to do that, I myself need to do it first. I have to rise above the negative feelings I have had towards mom. I have been resentful of the fact that every tiny thing that belongs to him smells like a toxic ashtray. I’ve been unable to even bring PAPERS that came from her into the house because it has smelled so overwhelmingly bad. I’m resentful of his horrible diet, inattention and the foul mouth he mimics. It’s easy to feel like a hero in this situation. We only have up from here. He has order, routine, healthy food and an abundance of attention and love at my house. It’s easy to feel superior. As I sat thru the meeting with my nametag on…his name beneath mine, I was so saddened for him. I heard about the mother’s day tea in his classroom and remembered this tender milestone reached with my daughter at our tea. Mom should be there for these things. Grandmom, who may not be here much longer should be the mystery reader…not me. I would do those things in a <3 beat, but I’m not mom. I’m a safe place for Danny. If I take over-like I could easily do 🙂 then nothing really changes. I’ve become a Band-Aid that will eventually get pulled off. But if I openly encourage mom and grandmom to be part of what is happening, it will provide the space for growth. It will allow them to be part of something wonderful and they will have ownership in it instead of just window shopping the experience. I’m not educating you here, just myself. I just had to turn the corner on this one. I feel better now and will be able to do better for this little one. I also need to be more honest with his mom. I need to express my thoughts without worrying about messing everything up. I need to share with her what I’m doing. She has already said he seemed like a different kid-in a good way. I need to talk about these things if she opens the door. THANK you for choosing us to host this wonderful boy!! I’ve also informed the school that I will really be making an effort to pull mom into events and different things. Praying she gets through her next steps ok.
Blessings,
Host Home mother with Safe Families