By the time AJ was referred to us, it was clear that this teenage boy faced difficulty trusting anyone.
AJ’s biological parents abandoned him when he was two. An aunt and uncle gave him up when he was seven. Over the next nine years, he bounced in and out of a dozen foster care homes and facilities. In between, AJ had a failed adoption.
At 16, AJ came to Building Families for Children and entered our CHOSEN Treatment Foster Care (TFC) program. Intake workers could see the challenges, but also the potential.
They placed him with a new foster mom and dad, a couple in Howard County named Joan and Charles. Initially, AJ was wary. Fearing more rejection, he kept his guard up. He lashed out. Eight times he got suspended from high school.
But slowly, through what Joan describes as “tough love, structure and the church,” AJ came to realize that his new family was the one that he always wanted, and that he had to change his ways if he wanted to stay.
“He cried a lot with us,” Joan said.
“There were lots of hugs.”
“For the first time, I had a real home. I had a Mom and Dad,” AJ said.
He started to tame his rebellious ways. He began going to church. He made his high school honor roll and football team.
But at 18, just prior to graduating high school, AJ made some bad choices.
“This is not uncommon for foster youth who seem a little scared of success. They sabotage because they don’t feel worthy of the love and expectations that come with it,” said BFC Executive Director Debbie Marini.
AJ left Joan and Charles and moved into another foster home. Soon afterward, he moved into an independent living program. That’s when Charles suggested he join the U.S. Marines.
“AJ still had some growing up to do,” Joan said.
And that’s what AJ did. He grew up. He became responsible for himself. He looked ahead to his future. “I plan to go to college some day and have a business of my own,” he says.
On the mantel of Joan and Charles’ home sits a framed photo of AJ in his Marine uniform. It’s inscribed with the words, “Thank you, Mom and Dad, for all you did for me. Love, AJ.”
So what advice would AJ, now 20, give to other troubled foster children?
“I would tell them, ‘When you actually get a family that loves and cares for you, give them the benefit of the doubt. Let them love you. See what it feels like. You may actually like it. It doesn’t hurt.’”
In fact, AJ says, “’It hurts a lot more to have hatred toward everything than to realize that someone can actually care for you. I know it is going to be hard. But you have to accept the fact that not everyone is horrible.”